The people you actually trust
On trust, perimenopause, and who gets to see all of you. When you're going through something you don't fully understand, you find out who matters. Not in theory. In practice. Here's how to get clear about who you actually need around you.
CONFIDENCECAREER DEVELOPMENTLEADERSHIPTRUSTVULNERABILITYPERIMENOPAUSE
I'm 43 and my body is changing in ways I'm still learning to name.
Perimenopause arrived without an instruction manual, and for the first few months I kept thinking it would settle down, that my energy would stabilise, that I'd recognise myself again soon. I didn't want to admit it was actually here. That this was my new reality to navigate.
And in the middle of all that unknowing, I realised something: I couldn't perform my way through it.
The people I usually show up fully energised and together with, I couldn't be that version around right now. Not because I didn't want to. Because I actually couldn't. And I had to get very clear, very quickly, about who I could be real with.
The trust map
Last week a friend told me her daughter had to build a map of the people she trusted at school. She's ten years old. Her school is teaching her to name it: who do you actually trust? Who can you be yourself around?
I've been doing that unconsciously for months now, but watching my friend describe what her daughter was learning made me see the pattern clearly.
There are the people who, when I say "I'm struggling right now," can just sit with that. They don't try to fix it or give me advice. They can say "That sounds really hard" and mean it. Research shows that trust creates a safe space where people can be open and vulnerable without fear of judgment, and those people, that's what they offer me.
And then there are the people I like, who I do trust, but where something in me adjusts. Where I bring a more together version of myself because I know that's what they need from me. Where I'm not quite as real.
Neither group is wrong. But one of them is what I actually need right now.
When you're not at your best, trust gets clearer
What's strange about going through something you don't fully understand is that you find out who matters. Not in theory. In practice.
The people who stick around when you're not sparkling. Who ask "how are you feeling?" without expecting a polished answer. Who are okay with silence, or with a walk that doesn't turn into anything, or with you saying "I don't know what I need."
According to research from Dr. Brené Brown, trustworthiness is built through vulnerability. And I'm learning the flip side: you find out who's trustworthy when you're forced to be vulnerable. When you can't hide. When you're just real because you don't have the energy to be anything else.
Your turn: Build your trust map
I want you to do what my friend's daughter is learning to do. Make your own map.
Not to judge people. Not to cut anyone off. Just to see clearly: who are the people you can be fully yourself with? Not the edited version. Not the version that has it together. The actual you, on a hard day.
Who are they? What do they do differently? How does it feel to be around them versus the people where you bring a bit more performance?
Because when things get hard and they will, in different ways for all of us, you'll want to know exactly who to call.
Key takeaway
Trust isn't about the number of people in your circle. It's about knowing who you can be fully yourself with when you can't perform anymore. Build that map now, while things are good, so you know exactly who to reach for when they're not.
Keep shining,
Natalia x
Human Red Bull. Leadership Coach. Shine File Creator.
©Natalia Cerezo Martin 2026
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